Where did the 70 percent solution originate?

For years, I was frustrated by how being introverted caused me to have difficulty relating to people. I could share facts and data, but to have a comfortable conversation was very hard for me. I tried to become more of an extrovert by coming out of my shell. For years I struggled with this as people would make me feel inferior by their response to my efforts. I often came off as somewhat obnoxious as I tried different approaches, trying to solve the problem in my own strength.

It wasn't until I began to come to grips with the fact that not all problems in relating to other people were mine. It was so freeing to be able to stop worrying about my own feelings and be able to see in others the needs they have.

I have dedicated my efforts to understanding the differences in people that can influence my own feelings. By deciding that it is not my issue when a person rejects me, rather their own, I can concentrate on being the best possible friend to the 70% of people who are willing and interested in relationships with people like me, while still having value for the other 30%. I have learned to be a relater and an explainer, as needed by the type of person I am trying to communicate with. This is the secret that I want to share through this blog.



Let's talk about this together and live out the solutions that 70% of the population respond to - and learn to live with the 30%!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The dreaded 30 Percent

So I would find myself in the middle of a corporate social event.  I would try to walk around and try to speak to the other attendees, but I would invariably find that I could not sustain a conversation with most of the people there.  These were middle to upper managers, many of whom had spent years at this company, and who had worked their way up from the ground floor.  So what was wrong with me that I could not develop relationships with them.  Hey, I could act silly or smart alecky and get a little attention, but that was it.

I thought I had a problem that caused me to not fit in.  It caused me to really question whether I could ever be a leader, and what was wrong with my personality that these guys did not want to invest in me.

After a while I quit trying.  I also quit trying to get ahead, as I always found myself in competition with people I now considered myself inferior to.  I ended up leaving after finding out that my hard work was for the most part unnoticed in comparison to others.

Perhaps I did have some things wrong with me - some flaws in my personality.  But as I look back over the time, I realize that these businessmen did not have the time, energy or desire to invest in me because of the need to invest in their own problems and their own desires.  It was less about me, and more about their station in life.  Yes, it hurt me at the time, but as I look back, if I had known that it was not a problem with me, I perhaps would have had an easier time relating.  Also, without the self consciousness that comes from feelings of rejections, I may have actually served a role in helping someone feel more value in that competitive environment.

The bottom line is this - somewhere around 30% of the people you interact have little to no desire to form a positive bond with you.  Maybe you have some issues, but more likely, they have other things in their life that make this not a good time for relationships.  Before you beat yourself up with the idea that you are not worthy, what if you just decide "I am worth it", and quit worrying about what these folks think.  Your self assurance may open doors to service you never saw before - and the rewards that come with this service!

Thoughts?
Posted by Chris Byrd and Friends at 6:09 PM

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