Where did the 70 percent solution originate?

For years, I was frustrated by how being introverted caused me to have difficulty relating to people. I could share facts and data, but to have a comfortable conversation was very hard for me. I tried to become more of an extrovert by coming out of my shell. For years I struggled with this as people would make me feel inferior by their response to my efforts. I often came off as somewhat obnoxious as I tried different approaches, trying to solve the problem in my own strength.

It wasn't until I began to come to grips with the fact that not all problems in relating to other people were mine. It was so freeing to be able to stop worrying about my own feelings and be able to see in others the needs they have.

I have dedicated my efforts to understanding the differences in people that can influence my own feelings. By deciding that it is not my issue when a person rejects me, rather their own, I can concentrate on being the best possible friend to the 70% of people who are willing and interested in relationships with people like me, while still having value for the other 30%. I have learned to be a relater and an explainer, as needed by the type of person I am trying to communicate with. This is the secret that I want to share through this blog.



Let's talk about this together and live out the solutions that 70% of the population respond to - and learn to live with the 30%!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

What is the connection of Relating and explaining to the 70% solution?

So here's the deal.  You are going to run into a great group of people that are interested and willing to talk to you.  You will be able to initiate conversations with these different people and enjoy the results of these conversations.....IF.

The big IF - that we as those who are not natural relaters, is the ability to have an effective conversation.  We need to own how to relate through conversation in order to get to the point that we can explain something - taking the relationship deeper.  

Think back to that first date with the boy or girl you really wanted to impress.  Remember the dates that were successful.  It wasn't about what you knew or what you had - it was what you said.  I can remember ruining some great opportunities to develop a dating relationship with a nice girl by just not thinking about what I was saying.  Boy was I dumb sometimes!

Fast forward to now - I understand the value of the spoken word and facial expressions and body language as they all come together to help me relate to other people.  Hey, even over the phone I can think about it.  Once you believe in the safety of the 70%, you are more willing to take the risks associated with conversation focused on the other person.  You don't need to explain yourself until you relate to them. 

For the 70%, the ability to effectively relate is a precurser to being able to share your faith in many cases.  You need to be able to explain what you believe, not just model it, so that it can be understood, but your relational efforts carry equity in delivering your message.

Go try to be a good relater to a 70 percenter tomorrow!
Posted by Chris Byrd and Friends at 6:50 PM

1 comment:

  1. bmattaxAugust 18, 2010 at 8:30 PM

    I spoke at a youth retreat not long ago. The them was "Hide and Seek". Basically we talked about how we hide who we really are from our friends, family and God (at least we try with God). Your comment "These people can be the greatest source of our self esteem and personal development as well" struck me. One of the sayings I talked about was something I heard years ago: I am not who I think I am. I am not who you think I am. I am who I think you think I am. Our self image is so crucial in how we relate and communicate with others.

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