Where did the 70 percent solution originate?

For years, I was frustrated by how being introverted caused me to have difficulty relating to people. I could share facts and data, but to have a comfortable conversation was very hard for me. I tried to become more of an extrovert by coming out of my shell. For years I struggled with this as people would make me feel inferior by their response to my efforts. I often came off as somewhat obnoxious as I tried different approaches, trying to solve the problem in my own strength.

It wasn't until I began to come to grips with the fact that not all problems in relating to other people were mine. It was so freeing to be able to stop worrying about my own feelings and be able to see in others the needs they have.

I have dedicated my efforts to understanding the differences in people that can influence my own feelings. By deciding that it is not my issue when a person rejects me, rather their own, I can concentrate on being the best possible friend to the 70% of people who are willing and interested in relationships with people like me, while still having value for the other 30%. I have learned to be a relater and an explainer, as needed by the type of person I am trying to communicate with. This is the secret that I want to share through this blog.



Let's talk about this together and live out the solutions that 70% of the population respond to - and learn to live with the 30%!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

So what's a shy kid to do?

I was so shy as a child that I was afraid of everyone.  If anyone made me feel negative, or said something critical of me, I took it very seriously.  I was deathly afraid of girls.  Once, at a party, I asked a girl to go with me.  It lasted all of 5 minutes.  I didn't know what to do with it.

Another time, I finally got up the nerve to ask the popular girl to dance.  The music started, and we danced for about a minute and the music stopped.  I was too shy to ask her to continue dancing when the music started again.  Wow, that is a pitiful story. 

So how did this happen.  Well, I could not tell who liked me and who did not have time for me.  I also began to form in my mind the kinds of people I should want to like.  Hey I wanted the pretty girls and the popular guys to like me.  That put me in a position for failure.  They were the ones least likely to be looking for new friends, so even if they didn't mean to, they were likely to hurt me as I would feel rejected.

I missed out on some possible good times and some positive reinforcement that could have made me a better person, and have more self esteem.  I was looking for all this from people who could not give it to me - the 30%.

So how do we help our children not feel the same way I felt.  How do we help them see that the friends that are  meant to be come from confidently testing all they are around, not selecting the traits they want and hoping those people want to like them.  The risk is high that there will be rejection.

If our kids are able to receive friends and relationships from the 70% as they reveal themselves, rather than seek recklessly after the 30%,  there is a better chance they will have lasting relationships and feeling more positively about themselves.

At least that is what I think!  What do you think?
Posted by Chris Byrd and Friends at 6:25 PM

1 comment:

  1. UnknownAugust 27, 2010 at 7:21 PM

    It would be great if we could wave a magic wand and help our kids, and ourselves for that matter, get over feelings of rejection and self consciousness when going into a new situation. It could be school, a new job or a party for church or work.

    If we could get in our heads that the person we are talking to probably feels pretty much the same way it would help to move past the awkward stage of the first contact with a new person.

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