Where did the 70 percent solution originate?

For years, I was frustrated by how being introverted caused me to have difficulty relating to people. I could share facts and data, but to have a comfortable conversation was very hard for me. I tried to become more of an extrovert by coming out of my shell. For years I struggled with this as people would make me feel inferior by their response to my efforts. I often came off as somewhat obnoxious as I tried different approaches, trying to solve the problem in my own strength.

It wasn't until I began to come to grips with the fact that not all problems in relating to other people were mine. It was so freeing to be able to stop worrying about my own feelings and be able to see in others the needs they have.

I have dedicated my efforts to understanding the differences in people that can influence my own feelings. By deciding that it is not my issue when a person rejects me, rather their own, I can concentrate on being the best possible friend to the 70% of people who are willing and interested in relationships with people like me, while still having value for the other 30%. I have learned to be a relater and an explainer, as needed by the type of person I am trying to communicate with. This is the secret that I want to share through this blog.



Let's talk about this together and live out the solutions that 70% of the population respond to - and learn to live with the 30%!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

I hate it when I mess it up

So this weekend we took my son away to school.  He is a freshman and is living on campus less than an hour away from our home. 

He is a wonderful young man, with lots of characteristics to admire.  However, planning is not one of his strong suits.  Therefore, as his father, I often have had to help him stay on task with the non-fun things in life.  I hate it because they are not fun for me either, but I feel like it is my obligation.

So we bring him up to school.  It is a very emotional time for us.  We are close to him and have invested alot into his life.  We are going to have to leave him alone, and having graduated a year early he looks a little young to be a college student.

Instead of spending the few hours we were together discussing our feelings and how we can pray for him and be there for him when he needs us, I was Mr. fact man.  I spent 3 hours reminding him of details on how to succeed.  What to do and what not to do in his dorm, things to think about for class, getting his books, not getting in trouble with the RA's etc.  Some days I am just full of details, and I was just vomiting them out all over him.

I missed the relating, because of the explaining.  He and I both lost out, and  would bet he only remembers 10% of what I shared, anyway  Because he probably turned me off halfway through the day, we both missed the value of the relating I finally got around to at the end.

I hope you can learn from this confession and not miss your own opportunity to relate to your kids.
Posted by Chris Byrd and Friends at 9:46 AM

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)